Hi friend!

Welcome back to Tales of Grace—I’m so glad you’re here.

Today, I want to open up about something deeply personal, something I’ve carried quietly for years. It’s the reason I’ve been single for so long—a story that’s not often shared, but one I feel led to tell.

For as long as I can remember, my experiences with men have been far from good. Honestly, I hesitate to even call them “experiences.” None of them lasted longer than a month, and each one left me a little more hurt, a little more guarded. I kept wondering, What’s wrong with me? Why does it always end this way?

I can’t quite recall the exact year, but I think it’s been about nine years now— I reached a point where I decided enough was enough. I chose to step away from dating completely. Looking back, I realize I wasn’t in any place emotionally or spiritually to pursue a relationship. I was still reeling from past wounds, trying to patch them up by looking for affirmation from men—a temporary fix that never filled the ache inside.

So I stayed away. I thought distance would be healing. But what I didn’t realize at the time was that avoiding relationships wasn’t the same as healing from the trauma. Instead, I quietly built walls. The disappointment, the betrayal, the feeling of never being enough—they all hardened my heart. Somewhere along the line, I convinced myself that the safest route was to become the strong, independent woman who didn’t need anyone, especially not a man.

And for years, I wore that mask well. I was guarded. Uncomfortable around men. My body would tense up if one got too close. If I’m being brutally honest—I low-key resented men altogether. It felt safer that way. Protecting myself became my mission, even though it left me exhausted and, deep down, lonely.

Because here’s the truth: beneath that tough exterior, I was just a little girl longing to be protected, but instead, I believed I had to protect myself.

Then something unexpected happened. I attended a women’s conference—just another event on my calendar—but God had other plans. There was a moment when one of the speakers felt led to pray specifically for women who had experienced sexual abuse. I didn’t hesitate. I walked up for prayer, heart heavy, unsure of what I even wanted from God at that point.

What she said next completely unraveled me.

She looked at me and said, “You’re going to get married one day.”

It was like someone had reached deep inside and touched the part of me I had long buried—the desire I never dared to voice out loud. I broke down in tears, not because I didn’t believe her, but because that had been my secret fear all along. I had convinced myself that marriage wasn’t for me, that I was too broken, too guarded, too much. But in that moment, God reminded me He knew me completely.

“You search me, Lord, and You know me.” ~ Psalm 139:1

He knows me. All of me. The desires I pretend I no longer have. The ones I’ve hidden beneath layers of hurt and disappointment. The parts of me I thought I had to protect on my own.

And friend, maybe you can relate. Maybe your heart carries hidden desires too—ones you’ve tried to silence because life didn’t unfold the way you hoped. Maybe you’ve waited too long, been hurt too many times, or quietly wondered if God has forgotten you.

Can I gently encourage you today? Don’t lose hope. Your heart is safe with Him. Let Him be your protector. You don’t have to carry it all alone.

I’d love to hear from you—how has your experience been in romantic relationships? Feel free to share in the comments or send me a message. Your story matters, and you’re not alone.

And before you go, could you take two minutes to answer a quick survey for me? It won’t take long, I promise.

Also, a little something special—the first 10 pre-orders of the Loved Beyond Measure Journal will receive R50 off! Don’t miss out. You can pre-order now or find it on Amazon.

With love and grace,
The Founder of Tales of Grace

P.S. I’d love to feature your testimony on the blog. Share what God is doing in your life—you can stay anonymous if you’d like. Your story might be the hope someone else needs to hear today.